Change has always been a word that scares me. I don’t do well with it, and in my perfect world, nothing would ever change. Life is not that consistent, and never will be– change might be the only thing we are guaranteed (also death and taxes, but not the point).
I spent close to two weeks this summer visiting an EOJ teammate. Another teammate came up and spent a few days playing agility and the whole experience was incredible. We played agility, a mountain, camped and cut lots of our hair off together. I didn’t get homesick really, which was a big surprise to me until my flight home got cancelled. In reality it wasn’t a big deal and I got home only 12 hours later than I had planned, but I was ready to come home and like I said, I don’t do well with change.
I’m writing this instead of packing for school. Im writing this about 20 hours before I head to Pennsylvania. The past week or so has been filled with goodbyes, something else I hate, and don’t do well with. Goodbyes to friends, and mentors and those people who are both. Last night I said goodbye to my best friends. We hugged and said “see you in a few months” and tried not to cry (I haven’t had to say goodbye to my mom yet, still have a few more days with her thankfully). I’ve already planned my trips home and it won’t be long, but goodbyes are still difficult. Saying goodbye to my high school, mostly the teachers, wasn’t something I had expected to be so hard for me. I was so excited to leave high school but when it finally came time to do that in early June I was shocked at how I felt. I said goodbye to the teachers who changed my life, the people who helped make me a better person, a lot of the friends who were just school friends, but held a special place in my heart. I realized that I was saying goodbye to the familiarity of high school, the safety of a routine, the comfort of the known. As I get ready for college I’ve realized how little I know about it. In reality, I don’t know what my life will be like in college. I don’t know what to expect, and I think that is the scariest part to me. Don’t get me wrong, I’m endlessly excited for a new chapter in my life, but not knowing what to expect is giving me trouble.
The other night my mom and I talked about agility while I’m at school, what jumps to bring, where to train, where to trial. All of the sudden I will have to play agility without my mom which is something I have never done. Agility has always been our thing. For the past eight years we have spent countless hours every single week driving to class, analyzing runs, and signing our favorite songs. That part of agility is over for us, and that is really scary to both of us. We will still compete together, and train as much as possible together, but it won’t be every week anymore. I’m so thankful for the bond my mom and I share through this sport. We choose to spend time together, and enjoy almost every minute of it. I will always be thankful to this sport for giving us that.
When I leave for Pennsylvania in ~20 hours, I don’t know what to expect. I have plans and an idea, but I don’t think that anyone can really know what college is like until you’re there. But I’m excited, I truly am, and that’s a new revelation for me because up until a few weeks ago I was just nervous. Nervous of the change, and not knowing what to expect. But now I’m a mix of both, and I think thats how every freshman feels. Though, not every freshman gets to bring their speckled force of nature who makes everything better.